You Can't Ask for Help from Someone You Think Is Choking You

What are you afraid of right now? Not the surface answer — the real one. Afraid of being alone? Of losing everything? Of what people will think if they see the real you?

Whatever your answer is, I want to show you something. Fear is a diagnostic. It tells you exactly where you don't believe God loves you. And once you see that, you can do something about it.

You can't ask for help from someone you think is choking you.

Let me make this practical. If somebody had their hands around your throat, you wouldn't cry out to that same person for help. You can't. Because in your mind, they're the one causing the problem. Why would they help you?

That's exactly what happens when you don't believe the love God has for you. You end up seeing Him as the adversary — the one allowing the problem, or even causing it — and then you can't receive from Him in true faith. You're trying to get help from the one you think is hurting you.

He is not the one choking you. But as long as you believe He is, you'll never be able to receive from Him the way He wants you to.

Perfect love casts out fear — all of it.

John puts it plainly in 1 John 4:

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

1 John 4:17–18 (NKJV)

In other words: if you're afraid, somewhere you don't believe God loves you. That's not a condemnation — that's a road map. Fear isn't just an emotion to manage. It's a signal telling you where your belief in God's love hasn't yet taken root.

Afraid of getting sick? You don't yet believe He loves you enough to heal and protect you. Afraid of losing everything? You don't yet believe He loves you enough to provide. Afraid of being alone? You don't yet believe He will never leave you.

The answer to every fear isn't more courage. The answer is more of His love — believed, not just known.

I had a skiing accident because I believed a lie on a chairlift.

I want to tell you something that happened to me, because this isn't just theology — this is life and death.

It was around Christmas, not long after I got saved. I'd gone skiing with some friends. I was growing in faith, learning the promises of God, starting to see results. And then I got on a chairlift.

As I rode up that mountain, the enemy started talking. "You're going to be alone. Nobody's ever going to love you. You are broken goods and you will be by yourself for the rest of your life." And by the time I got to the top of that lift, I was in complete fear. Not afraid of the mountain — afraid of being alone.

The very next run, I had a skiing accident. Damaged my spinal cord in two or three places. My temperature shot up. They had to carry me down on a toboggan. The doctors told me I'd be in bed for six months.

All of that started on a chairlift because I didn't believe God loved me enough to make sure I'd never truly be alone. Fear is not harmless. It opens doors you do not want opened.

Today? There is no way I could work up that kind of fear on a ski lift. Not because I got tougher. Because I believe God loves me. I know He'll never leave me. No matter how badly I mess things up, He'll always be there.

You compromise yourself because you're afraid of not being loved.

Let me go somewhere a little more personal, because I know some of you need to hear this.

I lost my virginity not because I was in love, not even because the opportunity was there. I did it because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I didn't. That's it. Fear of rejection drove me to compromise myself.

And I'm not the only one. There are people reading this right now who are being pressured — to give up what you believe, to be someone you're not, to compromise your values — because you're afraid that if you don't, you won't be loved. You won't be wanted. You won't matter.

"If you love me, baby, you would."

Here's the answer to that: "If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to compromise who I am. And I'm not going to — because there's Someone who loves me far more than you ever could. He gave everything for me and has never once asked me to compromise myself. I will not trade His love for yours."

You can't tempt me with love. My love bucket is full.

When you know He loves you, you get to be yourself.

Here's one of the greatest freedoms that comes from believing God's love: you stop being afraid of people's opinions.

I used to hide the fact that my favorite exercise is fighting — sparring, moving around, the whole thing. I thought Christians would see me as brutal or ungodly. I used to hide the fact that I like Batman. I have Batman toys from when I was a kid. And for a long time I wouldn't tell anyone, especially ministers — because I needed their acceptance more than I needed to be myself.

One time, some ministers actually called a friend of mine and said, "We heard Kurt has a Batman collection. Surely that can't be true." And I remember wishing I didn't like Batman, just so they'd approve of me.

Once I understood how much God loved me? It didn't matter what they thought. I was free. I wasn't on eggshells anymore. I wasn't performing for anyone. I could be funny when it was funny and serious when it was serious.

The same thing happened with my relationship with my earthly father. He told me several times a year that he wished I'd never been born. And I spent years trying to say the right things, talk about the right topics, be the right version of myself — anything to get him to love me.

That ended the day I found out my Father in Heaven loved me, valued me, and was not ashamed of me. That even when I made mistakes, He didn't throw me away — He pulled me close and helped me become who I was supposed to be.

When I looked at my earthly father after that, I wasn't looking for acceptance anymore. I'd already found it. And if Almighty God accepted me, what did it matter whether anyone else did?

What is it that you're still afraid of?

Think about it honestly. What fear are you carrying right now?

Fear of flying? You don't yet believe He loves you enough to protect you in an airplane. Fear of the economy? You don't yet believe He loves you enough to provide for you beyond the circumstances of your nation. Fear of being alone? Fear of sickness? Fear of what people think?

Every fear points to a gap — a place where you know about His love but haven't yet believed it. And the answer isn't to try harder or be braver. The answer is to get into the Word and let it build in you a conviction that God is so in love with you that nothing you face is bigger than His love for you.

Peter walked on water. Not because he was special — because he trusted Jesus enough to get out of the boat. He would have kept walking if fear hadn't pulled him under. That same trust is available to you.

Don't just accept your fear as a personality trait or a quirk. Look at it. Call it what it is. And then go find the love of God that speaks directly to it.

Whatever it is you're afraid of — God loves you more than that thing can hurt you. More than any person can reject you. More than any situation can swallow you.

Start feeding on that truth until it gets deep enough to push the fear out. Because that's exactly what it will do.

Fight To Win.